Am I Building a Longer Table or a Higher Fence?
& an invitation to create your own compass/anchor statement
As newlyweds in 2015, E and I set an intention for our new, married life.
When we have more than we need, let’s build a longer table rather than a higher fence.
Unlike many things about us then, this hasn’t changed. I don’t know how we had a moment of wisdom, clarity and unity all in one moment (especially when I was young and unaware and ridiculously ignorant), but I’m glad we did. Our intention stuck. It’s worked out well over the last eight years building our life together; having one sentence we mutually agree on has served as a both our compass and anchor.
Of course, you don’t have to be in a relationship to create an intentional life or determine your own compass/anchor statement. I hope we all have one, or consider this an invitation to create yours today. Comment below with what you decide on!
It should challenge you.
When I am driving past a person holding a sign, this question tugs at my heart. If I drive past and don’t acknowledge them in any way — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I am irritated with someone whose opinions on many things differ from my own, this question annoyingly pops into my mind. If I unfollow them on social media and cancel them from my life altogether — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I move to a new apartment building or an entirely new city altogether, this question calls me up. If I stay in my own bubble and don’t befriend my neighbors — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I know of a need that I have the resources to meet, this question holds me accountable. If I hoard all of the money I work hard to make in my savings account for myself — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I choose a book to read, a podcast to listen to, or an influencer to follow online, this question gives me pause for discernment. If I select based on similarities and comfort and remain in an echo chamber — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I am voting in an election and many of the policies won’t impact me, but will greatly impact people who experience oppression, this question begs me to think beyond myself. If I choose a candidate who prioritizes only people with privilege — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I am shopping for a gift, this question convicts me. If I buy from only people who look like me and/or have a big business — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
When I am considering how to raise our son (and future daughter + foster children), this question guides me. If I keep them in spaces where they are sheltered from people who differ from us in any way — am I building a longer table or a higher fence?
A Longer Table Life isn’t an easy or convenient one.
It won’t always be applauded. And it won’t often be considered safe. ← In fact, that’s by far the most common excuse reason I hear for people justifying buying homes in a gated community, paying a buttload to send their children to private schools, voting to keep poor people from having access to the assistance they need, and excluding others in general.
Despite what “concerns” people have about your own longer table life, I hope you experience the beauty and fullness and recognize that it’s worth the risks and small daily efforts.
How do you build longer tables? Do you have a statement of intention you live by?
Please make this a two-way conversation so we can learn from each other!
Love & the most delicious stir-fry ever,
Manda
PS. I dare you to make that recipe I linked above and invite a neighbor you don’t know very well over to enjoy it for dinner with you/your fam this week. Remember that when they show up you can communicate “Here I am!” or “There You Are!” …what will it be?
This is such a good question to keep coming back to. Ours is definitely not so well crafted. But my husband and I do often challenge each other with the question “does this choice reflect what you actually believe and want to be about?” And gosh. It’s hard.
My daughter is just finishing up 6th grade and it’s brutal out there. We have been incredibly intentional on “ everyone’s invited “ . By nature my daughter includes which i love. Also we think and pray and daily navigate how she is impacted by the friends she has.