Couples Therapy

& How Longer Table Living Fulfills in Ways Romance Never Could

“Did you know that I saw you on Valentines Day last year?” she said, jolting our memory.

E and I haven’t consistently attended couple’s therapy in the last two years because we’ve been in much different place —not perfect by any means; just not in crisis. However, our therapist Jen reminded us that we are her “brave couple,” showing up annually to engage in hard conversations on a particular day where most couples do everything to avoid a fight.

Therapy isn’t sexy, but it sustains.

I’m confident there’s no better way to celebrate the love I have for my husband and to invest in our relationship than by showing up and word vomiting our hardships to a trusted therapist.

It wasn’t pretty. I cried. (Always.) He did the ‘I’m annoyed’ eye roll with a long exhale at one point. I got so heated when he was sharing that I ripped my sweater off. A literal hot flash.

But…

Somehow, by the grace of God and an incredibly patient therapist named Jen, things ended even better than they were before we started.

I couldn’t find paper, but I found a paper plate. This is the best visual I could give of why therapy is so helpful. Without it, we never get back to baseline, we simply carry on with our lives because we have no other choice. But beneath the surface and in the silence is where resentment and bitterness grow. With therapy, life gets to be better than it was even before some major conflict where crap hit the fan. Does my brain make any sense to anyone or just me?

We left our session feeling lighter, seen and heard, and equipped with some new strategies to put into practice for the next time we face conflict in our marriage.

Tonight a friend will put Shia to bed while we enjoy one of our favorite date nights: seeing a movie in theaters with buttery popcorn, candy and soda. It will be lovely. Since we’re in Los Angeles, the price of it will probably be about the same as our therapy session. *gouges eyes out* But we fully believe both investments are worth prioritizing, so we budget for them.

Regardless of your relationship status, Longer Table Living will fulfill you more than romance ever could.

One person shouldn’t be your everything. Things like codependency or worshipping another human is a recipe for disaster. Longer Table Living keeps you grounded and focused on loving a wider circle.

Romance is fun, but radical love doesn’t rely on feelings. Whether it be towards your spouse or a child, neighbor or a friend: the honeymoon stage won’t last forever. Longer Table Living calls you to be loving and inclusive even when you don’t feel like it or they don’t deserve it.

Being in a romantic partnership is lovely, but it isn’t essential to a rich life. A rich life is one where you’re in community with others, you have people who are there for you and who you show up for too. Longer Table Living reminds us that we are wanted and needed by others, and that we don’t have to share a last name, bank account, or bed to experience the unparalleled value of community.

E and I in our Chicago home circa 2019.

This might be the most morbid thing I’ve ever said, but…

If something happens to E (God forbid!) I will be a weepy mess for a long time, and I will (eventually) get back up and carry on with the life we are passionately building together. He is my favorite person on the planet, and there is also a lot of good in this life outside of our relationship. Probably the least mushy thing I’ve ever said, but I want to keep it real. And I know that this is a sign of health for our marriage.

Please don’t wait until you have a partner to “do life” with others. Longer Table Living invites you to do life alongside your friends, your neighbors, the barista who finally knows you by name… anyone you encounter.

Maybe you question if anyone really wants you around or could actually benefit from you being a greater part of their life. Perhaps you feel nervous about allowing people into your life more intimately. I get the fears and what if’s. Still, I’m asking you to take a chance.

The widow down the street. The single mom next door. The struggling newlywed couple in your friend group. The workaholic in your department at work. The person you bump into at the gym. They all need your love even especially if they don’t know how to ask for it. Give it. In doing so, you’ll receive the gifts I so often mention but seldom have words to describe.

Advocating for love today & everyday,

Manda