Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right
How excluding, generalizing, and cancelling aren't doing us any favors.
I presume this one will receive criticism, which is part of why I held off on sending it. Normally these letters are sent on Tuesdays, but I wasn’t quite ready. I ended up going to an event last night that was out of my normal life experience to say the least. Turns out it was exactly where I was supposed to be, and precisely what was missing from my letter.
At risk of being told I’m delusional or moving in the “wrong” direction on my journey of waking up to injustice, I am going to share something that’s been on my heart for a bit now.
I’ve always said I’m too liberal for my conservative friends and I’m too conservative for my liberal friends. Today’s letter will likely prove this to be true yet again.
Excluding isn’t how we create a more inclusive world…
Like many things in this life, I’ve witnessed the pendulum swing a little too far in both directions. For centuries, White men have had a seat at the table. Unfortunately, for far too long, they have taken up all of the seats; leaving no room for anyone else.
Our society and culture has made strides in pulling up more seats and swapping seats out entirely, so that women, people in the LGBTQIA+ community, disabled folks, Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (just to name a few) can take up space and be heard. It’s been a beautiful, necessary movement. One I believe we are all better for and hopefully feel proud of.
Many years of oppression and having gotten this all wrong as a country means that we’ll spend many years undoing it and trying our best to rebalance the scales. I’m all in favor of doing what is necessary to give opportunities to anyone who has previously never been favored. That’s not my argument today.
My fight is in the belief that excluding anyone is never how problems are solved or how longer tables come to flourish. Especially when the initial problem involved excluding and oppressing a people group…
I fear that if we exclude, generalize, and cancel White men (or any people group), we will not only miss out, but we will be doing the very thing that we all want to see come to an end: hate and oppression.
Last night I was brand new at a table…
I was the youngest and the only female. Surrounded by all White, older men, I felt slightly intimidated. But by the end of the evening, I left pleasantly surprised.
These men did not fit the story I’d written of them. I made all kinds of assumptions about who they were, who they probably voted for, and how they saw the world. I was wrong. And beyond that, there was so much to learn from them. As we ate, drank, and discussed important things, I realized that this group was sincere, generous, and humble.
They all knew each other prior, so I was the newbie. I could’ve sat around the table feeling left out, behind, and uncomfortable. But they went out of their way to include me, bring me up to speed, and take an interest in what I had to say. They made me feel welcome. They made me feel like my seat at the table was important. (Wild enough— I think they actually believe it is.)
And it wasn’t me, but one of them who actually called out the lack of diversity (in every way: gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, belief, and socioeconomic status) that was missing and needed at the table.
Until last night, I wasn’t even aware of how much judgment I’d been holding internally towards White men as a whole. (I mean, I’m married to a White man who I love and know is incredible. ) Perhaps I’ve been viewing my husband as an exception and allowed some of the unhealthy voices in justice work to distort my views and pull me away from the one thing I believe is the secret sauce to a life lived well: grace.
Grace and inclusion are needed to build longer tables.
I hope that by confessing where I’ve missed the mark and explaining the conviction on my own heart, you’ll consider your own.
Questions to chew on:
Who have I cancelled? Why? Did cancelling them actually solve anything?
What generalizations have I made? Am I leaving room for people to pleasantly surprise me?
Have I been excluding or writing off someone or an entire people group? Do I believe people can change? Can I love someone even when we don’t hold all of the same beliefs? Despite our differences? Until they have a perspective change? With hope and confidence that God is working in everyone and it does not entirely depend on us?
Love & buttery cinnamon sugar toast,
Manda
PS. There’s a new podcast on A Longer Table out this morning!
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Yes!! This has been brewing in my heart as well. Any mass label over any gender/race is damaging and the narrative toward white men has gone too far. No one can help the skin color they are born into - let’s use words that create space and opportunity for those who need a heart change to rise up.